Trulove44's Blog

you hurt me.

trulove44 — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 04:36:23 +0000

sooo it finally comes down to me not being able to handle it anymore. the hurt, rejection, tears. you made me who i am today. or maybe i did? does anyone really know. but what you did affected me more then anything. i was suupose to be YOUR daughter. but that never mattered to you did it? familys never come first with you. friends right? drugs? even when you found out you were dieing you cut us completely out. abandoned us. with nothing. do you even reliaze the pain you caused??? the hurt?? i bet it never ocurred to you that we actually NEEDED you. it never does right? never has. the worse part is you atleast still talk to them. but you ignore me. phone calls texts. im nothing to you. just a useless daughter you couldnt gie two flying fucks about. they say your suppose to forgive and forget. but how can you forget something thats ongoing. neverending. how can you be so damn heartless????? dad? why arent you defending yourself. tellling me its all a lie. cuz you know its true. you cant even loook your own daughter in the eye. i loved you damnit! tryed everythiong i could to get your attention but i was never good enuff. maybe i never will.

What dirrection to go?

trulove44 — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 23:25:54 +0000

ugh. dont you hate how parents pressure you. asking the same questions over and over again. wher do you think your goin in life? what are you goin to be five years from me. naaggin! make good grades. be the best you can. do they ever stop to think maybe we are doing the best we can??? maybe were not destined to be great. God knows noones perfect then why do they expect us to be. dont get me wrong i love my mom to death just some times i dont wanna be under scrutiny. its even worse for me because all my brothers are screw ups soo all hope lands on me. i wanna tell her that she shouldnt expect so much. i dont wanna let her down but i dont wanna be something im not. that just isnt me. its sopo freakin frustrating. im never goin to be who she wants me to be. i wanna build my life up the way i want to. not in her ways. but she just dosnet get that even when she says she does she dont. im not tryin to be mean. far from it. i just wanna live life my way.

So maybe i do miss you

trulove44 — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 03:51:44 +0000

maybe i miss being in your arms. maybe i miss seein that smile that lit up my world. maybe i miss just bein with you && feelin that completeness inside of me. i dont know if i still love YOU maybe its the feelin i felt when we first got together i miss. i feel so lost without it. i know i dont feel the same about you but…..maybe we could bring it back? or is that impossible? when i was inlove with you i was soo damn happy! why cant i feel that way again?? why did tshit have to hit the fan!!! sometimes i wonder if it truly was all my fault…. its for the best that we broke up butt still you torment my thoughts. its that what if thats kiilling me. what if i had just trusted you instead of trying everything in my power to make me not? what if i would have just let you get close to me instead of leting my past interfere so much? what if i had just let you love me without bein so damn scared.

noww i think i still love you but the problem is i think i love someone else as well. is that possible? yall are complete opposits yet you both attract me like a magnet. im so lost and confused. topsy turvy.

topsy turvy.

Those nights when you cant’ sleep

trulove44 — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 05:15:24 +0000

ugh. i hate thoughts. how they run over and over in your head. && you can’t make them stop. dont you hate how they won’t stop. its worse when yu cant sleep. over and over. the worse part is it dont help anything what so ever. all it does it make you worry;;sad;;mad;;stressed. its pointless. yet we still do it. all all worries and problems aremagnified like 10x’s over. its nuts. what makes it go away? God i wish i knew. i really do. just when you think your ok…night comes. && everything is all messed up again. if only i fix it. change my life make it all right. then maybe id be able to sleep at night. *sigh*

Hello world!

trulove44 — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 21:29:35 +0000

so theres a little thing called life && its damn hard! soo i decided to start a blog && get it all out. this is just a general summary. The names Jasmine. currently living with mom. parents been split since i was 11. have three older brothers. im the youngest. no sisters. ive been through alot. you’ll be hearing more later. dont really wanna get into it now. i live in a house with 8 people. and just tryin to take life day by day. hope you enjoy(: